Lies

The truth sets us free, and lies ensnare, enslave and destroy us.  Just ask anyone who has been lied to or lied about by liars with bad intentions.  Everyone hates a liar, even liars because they know that lies are lethal.  In both the Christian and secular domains, lies have a damning effect.  But, lies can also have positive results.

Lies are intentionally false statements (Oxford Dictionary).  Lies even by its other names (deceptions, defamations, falsehoods, mendacities, denigrations, fabrications, dishonesties, misrepresentions, exaggerations) are perhaps, the worst devices used to destroy people.  Two months ago, I wrote about labels as "weapons of mass and self-destruction".  But in a competition for that title, lies win hands down.  In every form of mass evil, be it war, piracy, social injustice or mass murder, lies play a role somewhere.  In the quest for power, wealth and fame some people tell the worst lies.  And some individuals end up in failure and misery because of their self-deceptions.


According to the Bible, humankind's downfall began with a lie.  It describes how the devil, also called "the father of lies" disguised himself and lied to the first woman.  Lying continued through the ages.  We read how a man was tricked out of his blessings by his lying brother, Jacob.  Later, Jacob himself suffered the grief of believing that his favourite son, Joseph, was dead after Jacob received that lie from his other sons.  Joseph, who became the hero of the Hebrew people, was lied about by a lustful woman, and he was imprisoned for years because of it.  God highlighted lying as one of the vilest of sins when he explicitly forbade it in the Ten Commandments.  The book of Proverbs contain several warnings about lying.

The devil is also called "the accuser of mankind."  Liars love to accuse.  The Gospels describe how the Pharisees falsely accused Jesus and killed him.

Liars lie about people to ruin their reputations.  Liars sometimes accuse people of the things that they themselves do.  This happens in many close relationships.  In other contexts, people lie when they want to get others out of the way to take their jobs, relationships or property.  If the liar finds nothing to accuse their targets of, then they invent or exaggerate something.  And with the help of lying accomplices, they make their lies believable.  Liars like to isolate their victims and when they have lost all credibility, the liars move in for the kill.

People also lie about people to have an excuse for persecuting and killing them.  In the 1930s and 40s, the Nazis used this tactic against the Jews in Europe.  Here in Jamaica, there was the vilification of the Rastafarian community, which lasted well into the 1980s.  In the 1990s, the Serbs and the Hutus did the same thing before and during the Bosnian and Rwandan genocides, respectively.  Today, Islamic State (formerly known as ISIS) is doing the same thing in their war against "infidels."

Liars lie to people to exploit them.  People who have been tricked or trafficked into modern slavery were lied to.  People who have been defrauded of their savings were lied to.  People who have been lured into bad relationships and situations were lied to.  Recently, the BBC aired a story about a young woman who had been lured into ISIS by lies.  What she received instead was abuse from senior ranking ISIS members.  She escaped with her life but it is now in ruins with her reputation.  Such are the effects of lies.

People with low self-value were lied to by people with influence over them, especially in their formative years.  Without a high self-value, a person is more vulnerable to abuse and exploitation.  That is why pimps like to denigrate the people whose earnings they feed on.   Even if you have a high self-value, liars who want to exploit you will work long and hard to break you and delude you about who you are.   Never trust anyone who always has bad things to say to and about anybody.

But good people lie too.  The definition of lies as "intentionally false statements" does not speak to people's motives.  People with consequentialist worldviews would argue that lies are ethical as long as the motives and the results are honourable.  For example, if a lie results in the saving of innocent lives, the lie is pardonable, even commendable.  In Nazi Europe, many Jews escaped death because someone lied to the Nazis. Oskar Schindler, whose story was made famous in the film, Schindler's List, was credited with saving over 1000 Jews by outwitting the Nazis.   He lied to them.  Famous Rwandan genocide survivor, Immaculee Ilibagiza, wrote that she survived by hiding in the bathroom of a Hutu pastor for 91 days. When Hutu killers came hunting for Tutsis, that pastor lied to his Hutu countrymen to save Immaculee and the 7 others whom he had also hidden.

Everybody lies.  But I believe that good people do not lie as a way of life.  They lie out of necessity and for good reasons.   Always be wary of habitual liars.  They are often not easy to spot until the damage they intend is done.  Test all liars.  Perhaps our most effective tool is our God-given instincts that alert us when something is off about people and what they say and do.  We must observe and listen carefully to people and trust our gut feelings.  This is important because liars with evil motives are the enemies of justice and truth.  They will steal your prosperity, freedom, happiness and peace.

Dawn Marie Roper
Justice, Truth Be Ours Forever
August 4, 2017

Are Black Women Angry about Rejection from Rich Black Men?

So I was reviewing some of the things I had written in the past, when I came across an unpublished blog I prepared 4 years ago.  It had been inspired by a Yahoo story about Michael Jordan's marriage to his Cuban girlfriend, Yvette Prieto.  The comments had drawn my interest more than even the article and what some of them said really had me thinking.

@Mark: "Am I the only one to notice on TV, movies and commercials ... they have a lot of black males and white female couples, but not the other way around????  Why is the MEDIA doing it???  If I was a black woman, I would be @#$#!"

Mark's comments resonated with me.  As a black woman, how did I really feel about yet another prized, accomplished black man walking off with a "white" woman instead of a black one?  Not to mention the fact that Jordan had once been married to a black woman whom he had divorced some time before.  Yes, Mark.  As a black woman that had stung a little.  But I am asking myself why?  Interracial relationships are not unusual in my world.  My former boss, a Dutchman, is married to a black Jamaican woman.  I have a friend from Britain who has a black wife.  I, myself, had even dated a white man for a while back in the day.  So why was I stung at all by Jordan's marriage?  More on that later.

Here is what another person said about the issue:

@Hampton: "It is a sign of status and power among black males."

I think there is some truth to what Hampton said.  We know how much men value power.  Which race of men doesn't?  People chase power and status symbols in whatever form they come.  I am not saying it is right or wrong, but why shouldn't we expect black men to do the same.

But it was Jeff's comment that really got under my skin.

@Jeff: "Black women date/marry white guys as fast as they can.  It is usually the white guy - because of social pressures - who does not want to date them.  Black women are not loyal to black men.  Oh, yeah.  Some black women brag about dating white men like we are some kind of trophy.  Laugh and ask her how many times she went to HIS family's Thanksgiving."

That reminded me of a US magazine poll I had come across some years before.  It had concluded that black women aspired to marry white men in far greater numbers than white men are willing to marry them.  Sorry readers, I don't remember which magazine published that, but I had never forgotten what it said.  I didn't like that information, but I felt that I had no reason to doubt that it was pretty near to reality.  I believe it still is.  Just look at the frenzy many dark-skinned people get into to acquire "whiteness" and the symbols thereof.   Jeff said, "Black women are not loyal to black men."  I guess everybody is entitled to seek their own power and status symbols.

But back to my feelings about Michael Jordan's marriage to Ms Prieto (I think her last name means "ugly" in some parts of Latin America by the way.)  Why was I really ticked off about their marriage?  I was surprised at myself for feeling that way.  Why did I even care?  I had done some soul searching to try to find out.

Me: "Am I a racist?"

Soul: "Oh, no.  (At least I really hope not.)"

Me: "Do I have a crush on MJ myself?"

Soul: "No. But, you like his tenacity.  That is an attractive quality to you.  But you will never even meet him, so what is this really about?"

Me: "I don't know.  Could it be about his very light skinned Cuban bride?"

Soul: "It could be just about her."

Me: "Why??? I don't know anything bad about her so I don't have any reason to dislike her.  Am I just jealous?"

Soul: "No. (I think.)"

Me: "How would I feel if she were black?"

Soul: "You would say, 'Heh, heh!  You go girl."

Me: "Hmm.  Strange to feel a sense of triumph if a black woman marries a successful black man.  Why should that be?  It should not be unusual if a black man marries a black woman.  But that's a whole other topic."

Introspection is good, no matter what you find out and even if you find out nothing.

There was one more comment.  I loved it, so I had adopted it as my final comment on the matter.

@Tippyntj: "Geez, who cares, people.  Since when did this become a race issue?  Stop dissing Black women...stop dissing White women.  Ladies, ladies, ladies...have some respect for each other as women.  Who cares who loves who and what colour they are?  Focus on your own happiness and let others do as they please.  Look at you fools.  On Yahoo bick-bickering about black women/white women...what is this?  High school?"

Thank you, Tippyntj whoever you are.  "Bick-bickering?" I like your way with words.  Good times.  Some issues will never lose their relevance.  It is great to reminisce.

First written on April 28, 2013
Updated on August 3, 2017

Dawn Marie Roper
Justice, Truth Be Ours Forever.

Ed Sheeran's Haters (Why People Hate)

Ed Sheeran is appalled by the hateful tweets he gets from so called followers.  I heard this on BBC yesterday.  My heart goes out to him.  He is wondering why people have to be so mean to him.  Why do people pour hate on other people?  I have been wondering the same thing for a long time.

In thinking about this question from Mr Sheeran's point of view, I can only surmise that much of the hate he receives has to do with envy.   Fret not yourself, Mr Sheeran.  As far as I heard, you have done nothing to deserve the hate you are getting.  You are a talented pop star.  You have found success because you have shared your talents with the world, giving us "hours and hours" of pleasure.  But the fact is, some people will hate you for it.  It makes no sense, but that is how it is.  Quit Twitter if you must.  But don't quit being who you are and don't quit doing your thing.  I, for one, thank you for it.

But in general, I think the reason many people pour hate on other people is that they just don't know how to love.  They may have spent their entire lives being denied love by significant others.  And they have modelled hateful behaviours from their environments.   There are some people who are just walking cauldrons of hate, waiting to spill it on whoever is luckless enough to come into their cross-hairs.  (And I am not just talking about the outright narcissists and psychopaths who are just the way they are and nothing can change them.  No doubt, some of these types have also been tweeting hate to Mr Sheeran.)   I am talking about people who would be loving people if they had ever learnt how to love.  You can't give what you don't have.   So, in response to the generosity and love they are shown by others, all they are programmed to do is return hate.   I can't think of any other way to explain it.  That is what I see so that I what I am saying.  It is beyond sad.

But it is not hopeless.  Regardless of how bad the hate is, the solution to this world full of haters is to not become one too.   Our response to the hate we receive is to return love.  It is hard to do.  I know it is hard.  Some of the things that hate-filled people say and do to others are often hard to forgive.  But even if we struggle to forgive people (as I do), we must make sure that we do not return hate for hate.  We must return love for hate.  We must at least try.  If each and every one of us could just try this, even for one day, I believe we would shock ourselves to see how much we have transformed our experience of life.

I say, "live love," not hate.

"What is love?"  Well, that is for another post.

Dawn Marie Roper
"Justice, Truth Be Ours Forever"

Labels As Weapons of Mass and Self-Destruction

Label: (1) A piece of paper attached to an object giving information about it. (2) A classifying name, given to a person or thing, especially inaccurately.  (Oxford Concise Dictionary, 10th Edition)

People use labels on others and on themselves every day.   Should we embrace labels or reject them?  That depends on what the labels are, who is using the labels, why they are using them and what are their effects?  Although the definition seems clear, labelling is a more complicated matter.  Labels can be positive or negative.  Labels used negatively can result in mass- and self-destruction.

Many words can be used as positive and negative labels.  Take the word "woman", for example.  As a label, this word accurately describes an adult, female human being.  That is all the word means.  It doesn't say much more about the woman. 

But to some people, that word "woman" means the human being bearing that label is less intelligent, weak or in some other way inferior and not worthy of the same respect and rights as a man.  In fact, many other labels are added to that individual, just for being "woman."  In a world dominated by patriarchal norms, many of those other labels have a negative connotation when applied to women.  Words such as "bossy" and "aggressive" are thrown at a woman if she dares to assert herself.  The result is that women around the world struggle for equality in one way or other.  The extent of a woman's struggle depends on where she lives.  But this is a classic example of how labels are used as weapons of mass destruction. 

The same can be said of labels that identify characteristics like ethnicity, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, educational level and abilities.  Entire groups or categories of people are denigrated, when a negative meaning is attached to the label that identifies them.

But this type of labelling becomes doubly detrimental when the negative labels are internalised.  One example is the use of the word "ugly" to describe non-European features.  Because of a history of European colonisation, peoples of various ethnicities across the globe, have been made to believe that their cultures and their physical features are inferior to those of the Europeans.  People with dark skin are labelled ugly, even by dark skinned people themselves. 

Today, fair skin is held up as one of the most desirable standards of beauty.  As a result, millions of people in Asia, Africa, the Americas and the Caribbean practise skin bleaching.  We can learn more about this from the many documentaries about skin bleaching found on YouTube.  No matter how dangerous the practice, many people employ extreme measures at great expense to lighten their skins.  Some of them impoverish themselves to acquire the bleaching products.  With these products, they damage their skins and their overall health.  Through these kinds of self-destructive practices, people try to erase characteristics of themselves.  All this is to escape the label of "ugly" which in this case means, "not fair-skinned."   This is one of the ways internalised labels become weapons of self-destruction.

Negative labelling is very bad.  Whether it is imposed on us or internalised, it is destructive.  How will we ever stop this from happening?  This is the question that had consumed me on yet another sleepless night.  But I don't know how to change things.  Do you know?

Dawn Marie Roper
"Justice, Truth be Ours Forever"

Shame - Don't Be Shut Down By It

This one is for the people who have been hamstrung by overwhelming shame.  I know the feeling.
Several months ago I was laid off.  It was the worst possible time for me.  But the worst part is how the whole episode made me feel.  Although I had done nothing to merit being laid off, I felt totally worthless and depressed.  When I was not job hunting, attending school or church or chairing Mensana meetings, I was hiding at home with the windows closed and the curtains drawn, even on scorching hot days.   I cut myself off from people as much as I could.  Finally, I was confronted by a friend.  That was when I confessed to her that I was embarrassed.  I actually heard myself saying that I felt shame.  I felt a tremendous amount of shame.  But why should I feel shame?  I pondered that for a while.  Then I decided to do some research on shame.  That was how I encountered the work of Dr Brene Brown, social worker and researcher on shame and vulnerability.  What I have learned from her has begun to help me to deal with my feelings of shame.  I have even been teaching it to others. If you have ever felt shame, you are normal.  I hope you will increase in knowledge and understanding about shame. And may you be free.

What I am sharing with you now is a number of quotes from Dr Brene Brown about shame.  They will help you understand what shame really is, the difference between guilt and shame, the gender manifestations of shame and how to talk about and overcome shame.  These quotes were collected from the many speeches on vulnerability and shame given by Dr Brown in spaces such as the TED talks, Oprah's Soul Sundays broadcasts, 99U, RSA and various interviews on the internet, television and radio.  I added the square bracketed portions for clarity.

The typical dictionary definition says shame is "a painful feeling of humiliation and distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour" (Google).  But according to Dr Brown:

What really is shame?

"Shame is easily understood as the fear of disconnection. 'Is there something about me that if people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?'"

"Shame is the intensely personal feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging."

"We all know shame.  This, 'I am not good enough,' 'I am not _______ enough.'"

"Shame drives two big tapes: 'Never good enough' and 'Who do you think you are?'"

"We all have shame.  The only people who don't know it, have no capacity for empathy or human connection."

Shame versus Guilt

"Shame is 'I am bad.' Guilt is 'I did something bad.'"

"Shame is a focus on self. Guilt is a focus on behaviour."

[On parenting and shame versus guilt] "There is a tremendous difference between saying, 'You're a bad girl,' and 'You are a great kid, but that was a bad choice.'"

"Shame is highly correlated to addiction, depression, violence, aggression, suicide, bullying and eating disorders.  Guilt is inversely correlated to those outcomes.  The more someone is able to separate themselves from those behaviours the less likely it is that they will end up in those situations or suffering from those struggles."

"Guilt is cognitive dissonance."  Dr Brown explained that guilt is about holding up our behaviour against our value system and finding out that it does not feel right, [so we make plans to change our behaviour.]  But, she adds "shame corrodes the part of us that believes we can change."

Shame and Gender

"Shame is organised by gender.  For women, shame is 'do it all, do it perfectly and never let
them see you sweat.'    It is a web of unattainable competing expectations about who we are supposed to be.  It is a straightjacket.  For men, shame is 'do not be perceived as weak'."

"Shame is the birthplace of perfectionism." Dr Brown explained that perfectionism is a defence mechanism that many people, especially women, employ.

Talking about Shame

Nobody likes to talk about or hear about shame.  Dr Brown said she was advised against researching the issue as it would have been a career killer.  But years of groundbreaking research on vulnerability and shame has improved her own life and made her famous.

"We don't talk about the things that get in the way.  What we want is the 'how to'.  But 'how to' is not working.  The problem is bigger than that.  The problem is mostly what gets in the way of implementing what we know.  I would argue from my work, it's the hustle for worthiness."

How to Manage Shame

"Empathy is the antidote to shame.  The two most powerful words when we are in struggle - 'me too'."

"Shame needs three things to grow exponentially in our lives - secrecy, silence and judgement."

"We cannot avoid shame, but we can be resilient."

"Shame cannot survive empathy and belongingness.  Shame depends on me buying into the belief that I am alone."

"Empathy is feeling with.  Sympathy is feeling for."  Dr Brown explained the difference between empathy and sympathy this way:  Empathetic people truly understand what someone in struggle is going through so they will know exactly what the person needs.  Sympathetic people do not demonstrate a deep understanding of what people in struggle are experiencing so they only respond with words, such as 'bless your heart', expecting that to help. [Some other sympathetic words in my view are 'I will pray for you'.]

"Shame breeds three things - fear, blame and disconnection.  So how do we practice courage in a culture where we are incredibly afraid of not fitting in?"

[The answer] "More authenticity. A deeper sense of love and belonging.  Have a resilient spirit."


Dr Brene Brown is a vulnerability and shame researcher.  She is a research professor at the University of Houston, Graduate School of Social Work.  She is the author of books such as Daring Greatly, Women and Shame, I Thought It Was Just Me, Rising Strong, and The Power of Vulnerability.

Bonus Quote

"The things that get in the way are sometimes the only things that set us free.  I invite you to talk about your story [with] someone who loves you for your strengths and struggles and [is] able to engage you in these conversations.  And use the word 'shame' as much as possible." - Dr. Brene Brown

Awesome!

Dawn Marie Roper
Justice, Truth Be Ours Forever

The Main Reason People Suffer

Everybody, be they rich, poor or in between, suffers at some time.  People suffer for a lot of reasons.   Natural disasters, illnesses, pandemics, accidents, recessions and depressions all take their toll.  Nobody is immune.  Life is hard and it is unfair.

But the worst kind of suffering is caused by people.  People's greed, selfishness, cruelty and indifference are the biggest causes of suffering in the world.  People make war.  Wars bring famine, disease, economic collapse, environmental damage, societal disintegration and genocide.  People also create unjust policies and laws that favour the powerful at the expense of the powerless.  Banking policies that empower bankers to extract hefty service fees from people's savings accounts are examples.

But let's look at suffering from a more personal standpoint.  There are times when life's hard knocks come to our door and rob us of everything except life.  Such knocks can be a sudden job loss, illness, a serious assault, a robbery, divorce and death of significant others.  But we do not all suffer at the same time.  So when disaster strikes, others are free to help.

But some people choose not to help even when they can.  In the wake of a job loss or long illness, for example, people will be without an income and if they don't have enough reserved, they will be unable to provide for their needs.  Unfortunately, that is the time when some people find out that those they had hoped would help, really do not care.  That brings a terrible kind of hurt.

Even worse, some people blame victims of misfortune for what has happened to them.  During the hurricane season, many poor Jamaicans who live in makeshift informal settlements near gullies and other low-lying areas, lose their homes to torrential rains and flooding.  But people blame them for living in these places, never considering that maybe they do not have other choices.  In other disasters, some people even see it as an opportunity to further victimise victims.  In the wake of the 2010 earthquake in Haiti, many traumatised, displaced women and children were sexually assaulted.

Poverty is its own disaster.  What makes people treat poor people so badly?  Is it that they do not understand why people are poor?  People are poor when they cannot provide for their own basic needs.  Most people have to work to be able to provide for themselves.   But there are many able and willing people who cannot find jobs.  Also, children, the disabled and old people make up a large part of the poor population because they are unable to work.  Yet some people curse and chase away children, the disabled and old people when they ask for help.  I recently heard of a woman who cut down her breadfruit tree because poor people were picking the fruits.  Now she will have no fruits even for herself.  Yesterday, I saw a story on Facebook about children being shamed by school cafeteria staff for having no lunch money.  They put these children to work cleaning the cafeteria, while they throw away perfectly good food.

Yes, life is hard and it is unfair.  But it is harder and more unfair because some people do not care about other people.  They either don't know how to care or don't want to.  For such people, I am sharing a saying that I learned from my mother.  "Today for me, but tomorrow for you."  That is to say, while I have troubles now, your troubles are on the way.  When life's hard knocks come we all need help from others to cope or even survive.  Knowing this we should lend a hand whenever we can.  And even if we cannot, we must not add to other people's troubles by blaming or shaming them.  Instead, give them empathy.  A day is coming when you will need it back.

You Might be a Sociopath if...

There are dangerous predators among us.  They are the ones who are likely to read this post and laugh.  But, this is really a cautionary piece for normal people. 

Here is my first list of 12 warning signs of sociopaths.

1. If you can watch all of a 10-minute video of a woman being brutally beaten and you enjoy it, you might be a sociopath.
2. If you were the one who made said video, you are very likely a sociopath.  
3. If you like to mock a disabled person or a crying child, you might be a sociopath.
4. If you take a selfie every 5 minutes, you might be a narcissistic sociopath.
5. If you often say bad things about people whom you say are your friends when they are not around, you might be a sociopath.
6. If you start quarrels for no reason, saying cruel and unjustified things out of the blue, you might be a sociopath.
7. If an animal is in pain and you find it funny, you are a sociopath.
8. If you victim blame, you are a sociopath.
9. If you are "bad minded" as we say in Jamaica, (i.e. insanely envious and malicious) you might be a sociopath.
10. If you say you care about people but will not offer them so much as a kind word when they are down, then you might be a sociopath.
11. If you like to ruin other people's chances for good, clean fun, then you might be a sociopath.
12. And if your heroes are people who are conniving and abusive, you might be a sociopath.

The list of things that sociopathic people do is long, my friends.  Thinking about them gives me no pleasure, but I like to learn and share.  So feel free to share your own experiences.   As we say in Jamaica, "more time."

Dawn Marie Roper
"Justice, Truth Be Ours Forever"

A View of Success and Failure

In my introverted mind, I am bombarded with a thousand thoughts and ideas a day.  Gosh, it is exhausting!  Added to that, I spend a lot of time listening to TED Talks where they are constantly sharing "ideas worth spreading."  And every time I hear something worth knowing I spend a good deal of time ruminating on it.  Today, I am listening to a talk by Richard Sudek dubbed  "The Courage to Fail".  Of course, such a talk would interest me.  There was a time when I was a huge coward and a huge failure.

You cannot succeed at something if you have never even tried it.  Of all the ideas I have had, I mustered the courage to try only a few.  And I did so with a huge amount of doubt.  Because of the doubts, and a variety of other reasons, my attempts have not produced the results I was hoping for.  Consequently, I am not able to display the commonly accepted indicators of success.

But, I want to comment on the commonly accepted ideas about success.

It appears to me that most people in my society think success looks like a prestigious career, multi-story homes, frequent flying, expensive clothes, flashy cars and high rolling companions.  Most people I know think success is all about having lots of money and the constant pursuit of more money, sometimes even at the expense of their health, freedom and self-respect.  Having lots of money is the chief indicator of success for all of my family members.   I am not knocking their view.   They are not wrong.  If that is what success means to them, that is fine.  I just wish people would stop thinking badly of me for failing to meet that standard.

For a while, I too had those same beliefs as my family and the wider society, until I did two things.  One, I looked up the meaning of "success".  And two, having looked it up, I made my own determinations about it.   There is more to the meaning of success than just achieving affluence.

Success means deciding on a goal and accomplishing it. It is that basic.  Google dictionary says success is "A person or thing that achieves desired aims" and " the accomplishment of an aim or purpose."   Success is about hitting a target that you have set.  So anything can be a goal, including earning a specified amount of money.  But for me, that kind of success was not meaningful.  As important as money is, it has never been a major motivator for me.  Just acquiring the trappings of wealth for its own sake never satisfied or impressed me.

After learning what success means, I fell into a long crisis. What was that crisis?  I had no goals.  I didn't even know what to want and that had me in a tailspin for years.   Having emerged from that crisis I now believe that until a person has identified personally meaningful goals and targets, that person will never be truly successful.  But, back then, what were my targets?  What were my goals?   I always valued things like freedom and fairness and happy people and learning.  But these are abstract concepts, not goals.

In the past, I did earn quite a bit of money.   But I confess I never valued it enough to hold on to enough of it.  That was because I never thought of it as a means to accomplish any personally meaningful goals.  How could I?  I did not have any personally meaningful goals.  So I finished school as expected and went to work as expected.  And I plodded along in several jobs, almost in suicidal despair, spending money on all sorts of meaningless things to feel better and to prop up my self-esteem.

It took me years to figure out my personally meaningful goals.  It took a devasting family crisis to do it.  I will share about it in another post.  The irony is, now that I have a meaningful purpose, I don't have any money left to help me accomplish it.  "C'est la vie!" as the French might say.  That is my life.

But where money is absent, my determination to succeed is bountiful.  And now as a "late bloomer", as I like to tell my friends, I am purposefully on my way to accomplishing my goals.  I believe where there is life there is always opportunity, so as late off the starting block as I am, here I come.

Here's to my success, and yours.

Dawn Marie Roper, Kingston, Jamaica
"Justice, truth be ours forever."

Your Value Poem

When I think of all the people who are led by others to believe that they are nothing, it fills me with fury.  People devalue other people so that they can trample all over them and use and abuse them.  If you have been so devalued, this is my gift to you.  Assert your worth every day.  Peace. Dawn Marie Roper

Your Value Poem
By Dawn Marie Roper

You are valuable.
You are remarkable and one of a kind.
Most people won't admit this to you
But that doesn't matter.
As long as you know it, it's fine.

You are valuable.
You won life's lottery to be here.
There was no you before.
There will be no other you after you're gone.
You are unique, special and dear.

You are valuable.
How much money would you take for your brain or your eyes?
Your heart and liver and hands and feet?
How much for your experiences and your thoughts?
You are a very precious prize.

You are valuable.
You were born that way.
You bring something great and special to life
So don't let anyone devalue you.
Always remember you are valuable, each and every day.

Dawn Marie Roper, Kingston Jamaica
"Justice, Truth Be Ours Forever"

Language Blocks

I am doing a social work degree.   A week ago we were studying language development in children.  The discussion took an argumentative turn after someone in the class declared her contempt for Jamaica's native language being spoken in the workplace and other official settings.   Jamaica's native language, commonly called "Patois", is still mostly a spoken language.  But it is our own language. That didn't matter to the individual.   She wouldn't hire anyone, she said, if they used the native language during a job interview.

Well, I debated with her on this.  It struck me as odd that she, being Jamaican born and raised, would so look down on her own language.   All born and bred Jamaicans speak and understand Patois.  Not all of us speak English, the official language.  So, I was very surprised at her comment.  In 2017, her attitude struck me as colonial and out of step with modern happenings with regard to Patois.

I asked her if she wasn't aware of how widely accepted Jamaica's language had become.  Jamaican Patois has been codified and many works have been published in it.  We now have a Patois bible.  Jamaican Patois is being studied in universities abroad.  International stars like Rihanna, Nicky Minaj and a host of others seemed to have adopted it as their own.

She would not be moved.  So I asked her whether she would reject a Japanese job applicant who tried to impress by using our language back to her.   No, she would not accept him or her, she said.  She is not easily impressed by anyone, she said.  Hmm.  That's nice.  So, I guess when President Obama visited and belted out "Wha' a gwaan, Jamaica!" she wasn't impressed either.  Well, she would be the first Jamaican I met who wasn't charmed by it.

I wondered how she felt about our many cultural ambassadors who had helped to put our language on the international map.  Did she not respect Bob Marley and Louise Bennett?  What about Shaggy and Sean Paul and countless others?  Are they not deserving of honour for promoting something beautiful and distinctly Jamaican?

Well, she is entitled to her opinion.  But my main concern with her view on Patois is this.   In her professions, she has lots of influence over impressionable people.  With her attitude toward something so uniquely Jamaican, I wondered if she wasn't inspiring self-hatred rather than self-esteem in those Jamaicans she encounters who speak only Patois.  It is a sad thought.

Dawn Marie Roper, Kingston Jamaica

Who I am? Who are you?

How easy it is for liars?
Saying just about anything,
No matter how it hurts.
You don't know me.
Yet you talk as if you do.

But while you run your mouth,
You should ask yourself,
Who you are.
I am shouting this declaration.
I know who I am.

Who am I?
I am a woman of love,
I give love
Whether it's returned or not.
Do you know how to love?

Who am I?
I am a woman of compassion.
No one will suffer at my hands,
Not even a stranded bee in my window.
Do you know compassion?

Who am I?
I am a woman of justice.
I believe we are all valuable, though not all equal.
But fairness towards everybody is what I work for.
Do you believe in justice?

Who am I?
I am a woman who believes in being good.
Although I miss the mark sometimes,
My conscience won't permit anything else.
Do you believe in being good?

Yes, how easy it is for liars?
Saying and doing destructive things.
But instead of beating me down with evil talk,
Ask yourself,
Who you really are.

Let me be!
Loving, compassionate, just and good.
That's who I am.
And I am happy with that.
Who are you?

By Dawn Marie Roper, Kingston, Jamaica

February 3, 2017

Stop Appropriating Jobs

For years in Jamaica, we have tolerated the practice of  what I call "the appropriating of jobs."  Whenever there is a change of government many qualified and experienced workers lose their jobs at the directive of people with political connections.  These jobs are given to others who are favoured by those with the political connections.  Both political parties are guilty of this.

The appropriating of jobs is wrong.  It is a dishonest response to Jamaica's unemployment problem.  It is corrupt.  It is damaging.  So I am calling out this practice.

Job appropriating is so common that it is a cocktail party joke.  With every change of government, we expect it, as if it is a respectable tradition.  We have resigned ourselves to it.

But this tradition hurts people.  To lose one's livelihood is emotionally and financially devastating.  It suddenly becomes difficult to pay bills and repay debts.  It becomes a struggle to pay for necessities like food, shelter, transportation and education.  It becomes impossible to save and invest.  Consider these effects multiplied thousands of times, while they ripple through the economy.   The bankruptcy or prosperity of workers affects businesses because every worker is a customer in various ways.

There is nothing good about appropriating jobs.  It only breeds disillusionment, despair, and desperation.  It does not solve the unemployment problem.  Even those workers who benefit from job appropriation must be aware that their job security is tied to the whims of the electorate, although those workers' names were not on any ballots.  How can any ordinary worker plan a prosperous or progressive life in a culture of job appropriating?

I invite every Jamaican to join me in ending job appropriation.  There are three things we can do.

Firstly, if you have been victimised by job appropriation, stand up for yourself.  Report it to the Ministry of Labour, regardless of when it happened.  The breaking of employment contracts without just cause has legal consequences.

Secondly, job appropriation is neither a casual nor laughing matter.  By resigning ourselves to it or laughing it off we are giving our assent to it.   We must stop doing this.

Thirdly, our political leaders must agree that job appropriating is wrong and they will not do it nor tolerate it.  Granted, it may be hard to prevent the politically connected from rewarding their favourites, but it should never be done at the expense of workers.

Let us denounce the appropriating of jobs.  Do not practise it or tolerate it.  There is no way that a vision for development can be achieved in an atmosphere of job appropriating.

"Justice, truth be ours forever."

Dawn Marie Roper, Kingston, Jamaica